Off the Beaten Path

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Amarillo Texas 34 Hour ResetAmarillo Texas 34 Hour Reset - I recently had to take a 34 hour reset in Amarillo, Texas where I was bored to tears. I do try to take my 34 hour resets at home to maximize my comfort and get some things done including seeking a long term relationship with some honey who is not a witch (unless she's wicked hot with good thigh gap and a grade A camel toe), Satan's daughter with 4 or 5 personality disorders, or possessed by 27 demons who takes several different psychotropic drugs (more about this later when time permits and the webmaster allows me to write without censoring me) but it happens sometimes that I must take a 34 hour on the road. Here are a few tips for you guys/girls who happen to get stuck in Amarillo, Texas for more than just your 10 hour break.

Amarillo, Texas is stuck between the middle of nowhere and the middle of nowhere. Located off of I-40 for east and west and Highway 287 for north and south (among other major connecting US highways) it is a common stop over for many travelers including truckers. It has several truck stops including Loves, Flying J, Pilot, TA and some others. If you are a coast to coast trucker then you should be familiar with Amarillo and the truck stops located there. In the Texas panhandle, the weather is hot in the summer and cold in the winter (Duh!!) At certain times of the year be careful of high winds. I've spent many times driving across Oklahoma and the Texas panhandle with my butt hole puckered hoping my truck would not blow over. I've experienced nothing worse except the Santa Ana winds in California where I actually saw a truck blow over. Oh, and Wyoming a few times crossing Cheyenne mountain into Laramie.

Amarillo is home to one of the largest meat processing plants in the USA and the only place in the USA that assembles and disassembles nuclear weapons (see Pantax). Hopefully, the two share nothing in common except geography. I would also like to mention that it is difficult to find any place in Amarillo that doesn't smell like a stock yard (trying to be nice but cow dung if you know what dung is) especially in the summer. Visiting Amarillo is akin to having a wife who is a cold fish. Once in a while, perhaps after watching some sappy movie like Titanic, she warms up to you and wants you to perform your manly duties. For years she emasculated you and turned you into, well something man-less. Kind of like a gopher hiding in the gopher hole, you cautiously stick your head up to see what's going on (the same way that turd sneaks up on you when you are 10 miles from the next pickle park or fuel stop). The act of passionate, wholesome lovemaking is foreign to you but you meander ahead like Daniel Boone did in the Cumberland Gap, very cautiously almost tiptoeing. If you proceeded as a man should, like a valiant knight drawing your sword with confidence she might dethrone you causing the sword to shrivel like a deflating balloon. As you enter the city limits of Amarillo, you can unshakably and confidently proclaim, "Amarillo, brace yourself!! I have arrived!!!" However, it may be a good thing to keep your sword in your sheath lest Amarillo's finest throw you in with the drunks.

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Bill shared animation. 7 months ago

yeah baby!!!

yeah baby!!!
Bill shared animation. 7 months ago

I know, I know

I know, I knowB)
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